Turning 37 – 3/3/2008

Boone's Farm Fourth 36

Tomorrow I will mark 37 years around the Sun….

And I feel as if I may as well be turning 40. A mid-life moment. Not gonna say crisis, cause in a way that word is too small and too immediate. My whole life has been a crisis of sorts – always shifting, always questioning, always trying something new…” a time of intense difficulty, trouble or danger” as well as a time of intense joy, ease and safety. Life has felt very full.

And now I seek roots. I seek land. I seek connection to a place. My visionary image is that of a very old and beautiful tree – planted, rooted, majestic, life giving, and weathering what comes – being committed to a place.

And though I feel this massive Oak tree inside me, I am still but a tiny acorn rolling willy-nilly down the hill.. bouncing on the rocks, avoiding the squirrels, looking for that most fertile of places in which to hunkerdown, but mostly feeling cast by fate into the river of time… floating in spirals of possibility and watching the sky continuously change from grey to white to blue to orange to red to black….

My friends, for my birthday as ask for a simple gift from you. A magical gift of manifestation & connection.

I ask you to hold a vision in your hearts of a beautiful magical rural home – a place where many of you can come to gather in the summer time, retreat to in the winter time, a place that is vibrant and life giving, with clean water and fresh air and bountiful trees. A space to build things, a space to grow things, a space to learn. Good. Now imagine a string of hands reaching out to me… maybe one hand is yours, maybe in your other hand is a friend’s, maybe she reaches to another, and another, until that circle comes back around and a new hand reaches mine. And within that circle of friends there is a place called home. And I ask spirit to reveal this place to me through this circle – a real place of soil and rock, leaf and flower, house and shed. And may we someday soon stand in a real circle in that place and join hands and reside in the hearth of community. So mote it be.

Thank you!

I will be in Portland March 2nd – 4th, and dropping into the Bay Area Fri Mar 7th – Sun Mar 9th I hope to see some of my friends!

Boone's Farm Fourth 25

Goodbye Bay Area Hello Green

After 12 years in the Bay Area, I’ve decided it’s time for a break.

My current plan is to put stuff in storage, pack the truck and head north on June 24th. I’m targeting Southern Oregon. Its a nice midpoint between SF & Portland – two cities that I love and have lots of friends in, but it is also out of California proper and remote enough to feel far away. Actually its been more than twelve years – I’ve lived in the Bay Area since 1976 (with a 5 year hiatus in Santa Barbara for college) So I’ve been living here for 26 of my 36 years on this planet. That alone is reason to move!

I know that this may seem as a sudden shock to some of you; “How can this urban-party-hoppin-networking-multimedia-artist possibly survive deep in the woods?” Who knows?!? Its certainly an experiment. I really don’t know how I’m going to make this life shift. And there is a lot of sadness in leting go of that which is familiar to me – I will miss you my friends! However over the past six years, this intrepid explorer has been trying to reach escape velocity in my search for a life that feels sane. But for whatever reasons my spaceship has come smoking, skidding, crashing, back to this fair city by the sea. Allow me to explain a little about the planet I’m searching for.

I’ll start with the most esoteric reason first, because it really informs the rest, and if you only read a couple paragraphs, then at least I know you got the good stuff.

Reason #1: Sensitize Me

I’m seeking out a place where I can dive into a more intuitive-based way of existing. Natural Rhythms. Silence. Internal Visioning. Clean Healthy Living. I want to make some major changes in my mental, physical and emotional states. Continue reading “Goodbye Bay Area Hello Green”

writin’ n tinkerin’

ok so I’m a liar. I said I would write more… but I haven’t. It’s hard for me to do anything with any regularity… even breathing. My life is so full of complicated and diverse activities…

This morning I walked over to Urban Ore and perused the junked treasures…. I experienced a strange sensation of nostalgia and dizzyness as I wandered through the dust saturated items. There was something about the turn-of-the-century black walnut fireplace mantle and the old-fashioned spinning wheel, next to the scattered pieces of old computers and outdated film projectors, that gave me the same sensation I have when reading a good fiction novel… like I was really in another world. Everything I picked up had a history and as I looked at each thing I felt a sense of possibility for how it could be used, what I could make it into. I turned things upside down, squinted an eye, checked electrical connections, and slowly ran my frigid hands across handmade and machined surfaces. I was swimming in a creative black-hole of never-ending projects and I imagined having an artist studio there in the building where I could tinker and dream for weeks and months….

Breathe! whew! ok put it down. focus…. there is something I actually need…. a couple of brushless DC fan’s for the video projector I’m building. AH HA! found em. Only $3 each. Just saved $50 vs the new ones I saw at Radio Shack. I grabbed a couple strange looking light fixtures for the imaginary lamps I keep dreaming of making, a strange chrome bullet-like thing and a temperature gauge I might be able to install in my veggie oil truck.

Walking back to the warehouse, I wish I had more time to play and build things… the satisfaction I get from tinkering goes back to being a small child; a huge box of Legos, my first chemistry set, learning to fix my bicycle, making moonshine in my closet in junior high, the sticky smell of pine sap as I nailed yet another board into the tree-fort, and blowing up Robo-tech models with M80’s and gasoline.

Today I will edit some video, put new wicks on the Fire-Fans the ladies will be using next week in the Fire Ballet, and perhaps move forward on the video projector enclosure… I feel pretty lucky right now. Like I’m finally transforming my life to be able to make a living doing something I love. My next big wish is that I could live somewhere with a bathtub and lots of green plants!

yeshe



IMG_0088.JPG, originally uploaded by tom_sepe.

Yesha at Emily’s B-day Dinner Dec 2006

Willing to be a bad blogger

I think I read in the book “The Artist’s Way” that one has to be willing to be a bad artist before they can become a good artist.

So I guess I am finally realizing that I may risk being a bad blogger.

So in that spirit I’m going to sart posting more. Everyday? Don’t know. I’m hoping to find my writer’s voice. I marvel at how really good writer’s have a voice, and also have a way of writing that I can relate to. Somehow when I’m writing I feel as if I’m just writing to myself. How do I write to a larger audience? I’ve been really impressed with the writing of Erik Davis recently. (Check out this article) Funny, intelligent, poignent and he is as humble as he is learned.

I have thought many times about going back to school, and I’ve wondered what would I study?.. Art, Consciousness, Philosophy..? And then the more I think about it… the only thing to study is language, as it is the thing that underpins every subject. Even in science (which I admit is largely ruled by another language – math) one must write and speak about scientific matters in a language that people can understand… and we use metaphors and examples and comparisons to constantly talk around it. Language both limits and expands our experience. It is how we understand and communicate about any of these subjects. Linguistics and writing and speech. Which reminds me… I started reading a fabulous book recently called “The Unfolding of Language” which details how language evolves… fascinating and well written. But of course it made me wish I had paid better attention during English Grammer in High School.

Boone’s Farm – Sept 2006

I just got back from Southern Oregon, visiting my friend Laurel & Mookie’s Farm! I forgot to get video tapes, but the one I had in my camera had 13 minutes on it so I waited till sunset on the last day and shot some footage. The light was beautiful and a couple days later I edited together a little short.

All that is missing now is a little voiceover from Laurel explaining a little bit more about the farm….

Can’t wait to go back!

king of carrot flowers

I love this band: Neutral Milk Hotel

The King of Carrot Flowers

Part One

When you were young
You were the king of carrot flowers
And how you built a tower tumbling through the trees
In holy rattlesnakes that fell all around your feet

And your mom would stick a fork right into daddy’s shoulder
And your dad would throw the garbage all across the floor
As we would lay and learn what each other’s bodies were for

And this is the room
One afternoon I knew I could love you
And from above you how I sank into your soul
Into that secret place where no one dares to go

And your mom would sink until she was no longer speaking
And dad would dream of all the different ways to die
Each one a little more than he could dare to try